What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 00:25
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Can you write a letter to your first love without mentioning his/her name?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
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Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She wouldn,t have been !
Comes on , in middle age.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She married twice! .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I waited trembling.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One cannot live in the past .
What are some hard rock or heavy metal bands that are overrated?
She was in good health!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Can anyone or anything overthrow your belief in the Jewish God?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I could never make a relationship work though!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
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.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I am 13 and I am planning to run away. What should I do to succeed?
Why did i forgive my father ?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
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But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was scared of men, in general
My life is so biszare .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Does anyone wear see-through clothes to show off underwear?
We were not on the streets..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So, i spoilt her more .
As i do to all so called friends.?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But it wasn’t much.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Would this be the day?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I said to her
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I don,t even have a pension.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Ive learnt so much.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
All the time i was locked up.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was seconnd youngest,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I will be 64.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She found it foreign!.
I think the readers, may guess!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I couldn’t, believe it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im still living with it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My family never makes their pension either.
But, we were locked up after school.
So whats the point in blame.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
What did i know ?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Put me off passion for life!!
Who then, do I blame.?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
This is soul school!.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I write beautiful poetry .
We all went to grammer schools
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And i lived it daily.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She loved him until the end.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was 9 years of age.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I have no regrets .
Was to survive, this bastard.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was very sick at this time too.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It was going to be , some day.
He knew the spot.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.