Instead of that put your time and energy in up-skilling and grooming yourself. When you shift your focus from worrying to building yourself, you will eventually meet good people. Then it will become easy for you to get over from the past.
Last but not the least, you choose to stay in the same state of mind because you think that they were the perfect fit for you.
REMINDER- Nothing is going to change instantly, all these points discussed will take time and patience. It can take days, weeks or months to move on. So, take one step each day slowly and heal yourself.
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Don't seek for closure: In many cases, situation will be created where you will not get any reason why it didn't worked out. For that time, their actions will be your answer. No one knows better than you, how they ended things or treated you.
Acceptance: Accept it that the person who used to close to you is no more an important part of your life. Don't run from your emotions. The more you run from it the more they will come after you. It is better to feel it at the present moment.
The first and foremost thing you can do is, to understand that this person wasn't for you.
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Delete everything: Remove every picture, text, audio, gift or anything related to them. It seems difficult but this is the only way. You will get reminders of them if you keep revisiting those memories.
Now, coming to the detailed analysis - How to really move on?
If the relation was so serious for them, then they wouldn't have left you but they had fixed things.
Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support.
I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized.
he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that.
he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened.
he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence.
i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me
i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction.
after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly.
things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it.
we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe …
our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far?
this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
Remember one thing-
Have Faith: Leave everything on God. As I mentioned in the beginning. If the person is meant for you, he/she will come back. If not so, God will give you signs. Ask him to give you the strength to accept the situation and move on.
Talk about it: It may sound quite weird but do it anyways. Express yourself. Rant about your thoughts and feelings to a close friend. If you don't have anyone to share with. Then write it in a diary/journal or record a voice note. Trust me, you will get relief by letting that energy out.
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Follow No-contact: I know this fact that you will keep getting urges to check their profiles or just send them a text. So it is better to block them. You don't have to keep an eye on every activities or updates by them. Let them do what they want to.
God will never take away anything, which was meant for you!
Forgive but don't forget: Try to forgive them for whatever happened. Blame game will give you nothing at the end, it will only take away your peace. Just think that they were right at their place and you are at yours. It is just, you both are not right for each other. Take lessons from it and don't forget the mistakes you did.
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Hope it helps! 🌷
Get rid of this state and keep one thing in your mind- there are so many good people waiting for you. So don't waste your energy unnecessarily.
